I admit it...for a long time I have struggled with an addiction to people pleasing. Granted...those who know me today would probably say I am better at NOT pleasing people. My response is simply this: everybody's got to be good at SOMETHING!
Actually...I started thinking about this the other day at breakfast with a retired pastor friend of mine from Windsor, Ontario. Chuck's a wonderful guy....35 years in ONE church...one that prospered under his leadership.
He retired a couple of years ago. At breakfast the other day I asked him what he has looked most forward to in retirement. His response shocked me. He said the thing he looked forward to most was NOT DISAPPOINTING PEOPLE EVERYDAY. To tell you the truth...I stopped in mid-bite of my breakfast to ask him to repeat himself. I was incredulous. He had just articulated what I had long felt.
One of the hard parts of pastoral ministry is the constant sense that somewhere, someone is pointing their finger at you and asking WHY you're doing something a certain way or why you are NOT doing something a certain way. In a very real sense...that you're always disappointing someone.
I awoke the other morning with this on my mind. As is often the case, the Holy Spirit uses early morning to speak to my heart before the background noise of the day gets too loud. What He said was surprising. 'Disappointment is the difference between performance and expectation.' What He said next was healing to my soul. 'I can't really control the expectations of others. What I CAN control is HOW I live. And How CLOSE I live to Jesus.' I love how the Spirit speaks to our broken places.
Then a question began to occur to me: when people are disappointed and they express that disappointment hurtfully...are they expressing that hurt to me as a pastor or to me as a brother in Christ. Honestly, I suspect it's more the former...as a pastor.
As pastors, we are open targets for unhappy consumer-Christians. Our sermons are commodities that are compared to other sermons like items in the produce section of Food Lion. Our programs are all compared to other programs at other churches larger and smaller. And if we come up short, we're reminded of the deficiency.
What I've come to is this: unless someone is willing to relate to me as a fellow Christ-follower first, I will no longer be the recipient of their disappointment. To quote St. Mick of the order of the Rolling Stones... 'you can't always get what you want'. From here on out, I will first ask...are you speaking to me as a pastor or a brother? If we can establish the brotherhood first, then the rest will be a conversation of one heart to the other. In THAT we will BOTH find Jesus.
Saturday, January 31, 2009
Friday, January 16, 2009
Sadness and it's spiritual clues
Thinking through this series called Signs(what our emotions say about our walk with God), I came to sadness. Naturally, we think of depression...the poster child of sadness.
But sadness can be less clinical, less chronic, more in the moment. It can be pervasive and persistent, but not true depression.
Sadness is not an emotion we like to hang onto. We typically do whatever we can to rid ourselves of this nasty little cloud that seems to hang over our lives from time to time.
Some people shop to lose it. Other people work to lose it. Some worship. others pray.
In it's essence, sadness says we've been disappointed. Perhaps its been a loss. Or maybe an unkind word hurled our way.
But what does it SAY about our experience with God?
For me...it is a clarion call to go to my Father, to crawl up on His lap, to rest in His arms, and tell Him where it hurts.
We SHOULD have this kind of opportunity with our friends or our spouses, but there's nothing like sharing it with our Father. It's a lot like when we were a child and we skinned our knee. We'd go crying to our mom or dad and they'd pick us up and maybe stick a band-aid on it. But it wasn't the band-aid that made it better...it was their loving attention.
Sadness calls us to that same experience....to run to our Father and climb up in His arms, and feel Him lavish us in loving attention. In those precious moments we tell Him about our sadness and walk through it with Him. He shares it with us. And walks with us til we feel it no more.
Bottom line...it doesn't matter where the sadness is coming from. The very best response is to find our Heavenly Father and draw close to Him...and to rest in His arms...to tell Him where it hurts...and experience His loving comfort.
Try it the next time you're sad. You'll be amazed.
But sadness can be less clinical, less chronic, more in the moment. It can be pervasive and persistent, but not true depression.
Sadness is not an emotion we like to hang onto. We typically do whatever we can to rid ourselves of this nasty little cloud that seems to hang over our lives from time to time.
Some people shop to lose it. Other people work to lose it. Some worship. others pray.
In it's essence, sadness says we've been disappointed. Perhaps its been a loss. Or maybe an unkind word hurled our way.
But what does it SAY about our experience with God?
For me...it is a clarion call to go to my Father, to crawl up on His lap, to rest in His arms, and tell Him where it hurts.
We SHOULD have this kind of opportunity with our friends or our spouses, but there's nothing like sharing it with our Father. It's a lot like when we were a child and we skinned our knee. We'd go crying to our mom or dad and they'd pick us up and maybe stick a band-aid on it. But it wasn't the band-aid that made it better...it was their loving attention.
Sadness calls us to that same experience....to run to our Father and climb up in His arms, and feel Him lavish us in loving attention. In those precious moments we tell Him about our sadness and walk through it with Him. He shares it with us. And walks with us til we feel it no more.
Bottom line...it doesn't matter where the sadness is coming from. The very best response is to find our Heavenly Father and draw close to Him...and to rest in His arms...to tell Him where it hurts...and experience His loving comfort.
Try it the next time you're sad. You'll be amazed.
Sunday, January 11, 2009
What's Age Got to Do with It?
Ok...I admit it...I'm a book addict. I read...a LOT. Books are amazing...no batteries, no software, and totally portable.
So when I got the chance to get a free book here in there, I thought...why not?
So...I signed on the Thomas Nelson's book review blogger program. Sweet.
And then I noticed this book...What's Age Got to Do with It?
Having had a birthday recently, I am a bit more mindful of my age. In fact, I just got off of the treadmill after 3 miles. I'm not going down without a fight!
Anyway...the book I chose to review was, in fact, written by a woman FOR women. Yeah, I know...no such thing as free!
Anyhow, I'll have a woman's perspective on aging and h0w to avoid it.
The author is Robin McGraw...name sound familiar? McGraw...as in Dr. PHIL? Yep, she's his wife. Which also means her celeb life is a BIT different than yours and mine. Example...I didn't have a personal trainer to stand by me as I sweated on the treadmill a few minutes ago.
The book was actually interesting. But as Solomon once pointed out, there's nothing new under the sun...OR in this book as it turns out.
That said, there are some transferable principles. Like the idea that fitness DOES help us remain young. And nutrition (specifically no more sugar, dairy products, and peanut butter) was helpful for her. I sorta moved through the whole skin care chapter pretty quick...not exactly a huge concern of mine. neither was the makeup chapter.
The faith chapter, though left to the end and rather brief, was helpful in that it raises the idea that faith really DOES contribute to health and longevity by helping us remain healthy.
Ok...so there it is...a review.
One other thing guys...as incredible as it may seem...a read like this now and then MIGHT even help us understand our wives...and for that I'm grateful!
So when I got the chance to get a free book here in there, I thought...why not?
So...I signed on the Thomas Nelson's book review blogger program. Sweet.
And then I noticed this book...What's Age Got to Do with It?
Having had a birthday recently, I am a bit more mindful of my age. In fact, I just got off of the treadmill after 3 miles. I'm not going down without a fight!
Anyway...the book I chose to review was, in fact, written by a woman FOR women. Yeah, I know...no such thing as free!
Anyhow, I'll have a woman's perspective on aging and h0w to avoid it.
The author is Robin McGraw...name sound familiar? McGraw...as in Dr. PHIL? Yep, she's his wife. Which also means her celeb life is a BIT different than yours and mine. Example...I didn't have a personal trainer to stand by me as I sweated on the treadmill a few minutes ago.
The book was actually interesting. But as Solomon once pointed out, there's nothing new under the sun...OR in this book as it turns out.
That said, there are some transferable principles. Like the idea that fitness DOES help us remain young. And nutrition (specifically no more sugar, dairy products, and peanut butter) was helpful for her. I sorta moved through the whole skin care chapter pretty quick...not exactly a huge concern of mine. neither was the makeup chapter.
The faith chapter, though left to the end and rather brief, was helpful in that it raises the idea that faith really DOES contribute to health and longevity by helping us remain healthy.
Ok...so there it is...a review.
One other thing guys...as incredible as it may seem...a read like this now and then MIGHT even help us understand our wives...and for that I'm grateful!
Thursday, January 1, 2009
Me...Vers 5.3
Yep, it happened. I had a birthday...ANOTHER birthday.
All my Facebook friends seemed to mount a campaign to remind me...one email after another saying happy birthday. Ok...I got it. And thanks. IT's nice to have others think of you...if only it were not as 'gee, he really IS getting old'.
Version 5.3...I wonder if the update got rid of some of the glitches from the 5.2 version...like staying too busy, neglecting God more than I care to admit...trying to do too much. Being involved in too much.
Still, moving into vers. 5.3 feels WAY better than moving to vers 5.2. The future didn't look so good then. In fact, truth be told, I didn't WANT a future then. Everything was dark. Being near people was a challenge, even painful.
I moved the new version while in Philadelphia. I spent that first day of the new version staring in awe at the Liberty Bell and in the hushed silence of the Assembly hall at Independence Hall. The last one to leave the room after the tour.
That visit fueled the visionary in me. I reflected on the risks those leaders took to form a new nation 'under God'. I inwardly wondered...am I still willing to take risks? One of the downsides of vers. 5.3 is that its easier to just let things be as they are.
Fortunately, God continues to birth new dreams in me...uh oh, that's Joel 2:28 '...old men will dream dreams, young men will see visions.
The thing I love about life in the Kingdom is that we don't become obsolete as we age, we gather the wisdom born of LOTS of earlier versions and we offer it up to God...and He uses it as HE sees fit.
That said, I'm excited about seeing how God will use vers. 5.3 for his purposes. It's His call. I'm good with that.
All my Facebook friends seemed to mount a campaign to remind me...one email after another saying happy birthday. Ok...I got it. And thanks. IT's nice to have others think of you...if only it were not as 'gee, he really IS getting old'.
Version 5.3...I wonder if the update got rid of some of the glitches from the 5.2 version...like staying too busy, neglecting God more than I care to admit...trying to do too much. Being involved in too much.
Still, moving into vers. 5.3 feels WAY better than moving to vers 5.2. The future didn't look so good then. In fact, truth be told, I didn't WANT a future then. Everything was dark. Being near people was a challenge, even painful.
I moved the new version while in Philadelphia. I spent that first day of the new version staring in awe at the Liberty Bell and in the hushed silence of the Assembly hall at Independence Hall. The last one to leave the room after the tour.
That visit fueled the visionary in me. I reflected on the risks those leaders took to form a new nation 'under God'. I inwardly wondered...am I still willing to take risks? One of the downsides of vers. 5.3 is that its easier to just let things be as they are.
Fortunately, God continues to birth new dreams in me...uh oh, that's Joel 2:28 '...old men will dream dreams, young men will see visions.
The thing I love about life in the Kingdom is that we don't become obsolete as we age, we gather the wisdom born of LOTS of earlier versions and we offer it up to God...and He uses it as HE sees fit.
That said, I'm excited about seeing how God will use vers. 5.3 for his purposes. It's His call. I'm good with that.
Thursday, December 25, 2008
Ahhh...Christmas!
Christmas is different once the kids have grown. The kids still come. And it's still a blast to bless each other with gifts we've actually THOUGHT about. But it's different.
Last year it was different in that I was struggling with severe depression. I just wanted it over. I struggled to be relational (and civil).
As I move through this Christmas morning, I am more reflective this year. The cloud of depression has mercifully lifted. And I find myself thinking back on the year...and many friends.
The faces of friends from a little village outside Nairobi, Kenya...Gatanga (Robert the prophet, George the entrepreneur, Samuel the pastor, Michael the builder, Jeri -single mother of three, Edwin the pastor, Elizabeth the student, others). The church there. The daycare and it's many wonderful children and care givers. My Kenyan friend Daniel, pstor, prophet, dreamer, who opened the door for the adventure there by 'giving me' land.
The faces of those in Malawi (William, Evans, others) and my dear friend Senior Pastor of Grace Community Church - East Africa, Rogers with whom such a powerful partnership has developed.
I think of others in Africa like Pastor Kofi outside Accra,Ghana with who we have yet to see how the partnership will form.
I think of a young pastor in Germany named Markus and his wife Glady and the amazing work they are doing there around Cologne in spite of much resistance.
I think of friends in New Mexico who I miss terribly today.
I think of my POE brothers scattered around North America with whom I am humbled and grateful to share life.
I think of my boating friends in Houston whom I treasure and miss.
I think of my family in Maryland, Virginia, and West Virginia. How blessed I am to be a part of that family that has for decades known God's rich favor.
And I think of the many folks at GCC Winchester and soon-to-be Strasburg. Huge heart...amazing passion for God and people. How very blessed to know them, to serve them, to do life with them.
If Christmas is about gifts (like the greatest...Jesus) then I've listed just a few of my greatest gifts...gifts that have made this year rich beyond compare.
Merry Christmas!
Last year it was different in that I was struggling with severe depression. I just wanted it over. I struggled to be relational (and civil).
As I move through this Christmas morning, I am more reflective this year. The cloud of depression has mercifully lifted. And I find myself thinking back on the year...and many friends.
The faces of friends from a little village outside Nairobi, Kenya...Gatanga (Robert the prophet, George the entrepreneur, Samuel the pastor, Michael the builder, Jeri -single mother of three, Edwin the pastor, Elizabeth the student, others). The church there. The daycare and it's many wonderful children and care givers. My Kenyan friend Daniel, pstor, prophet, dreamer, who opened the door for the adventure there by 'giving me' land.
The faces of those in Malawi (William, Evans, others) and my dear friend Senior Pastor of Grace Community Church - East Africa, Rogers with whom such a powerful partnership has developed.
I think of others in Africa like Pastor Kofi outside Accra,Ghana with who we have yet to see how the partnership will form.
I think of a young pastor in Germany named Markus and his wife Glady and the amazing work they are doing there around Cologne in spite of much resistance.
I think of friends in New Mexico who I miss terribly today.
I think of my POE brothers scattered around North America with whom I am humbled and grateful to share life.
I think of my boating friends in Houston whom I treasure and miss.
I think of my family in Maryland, Virginia, and West Virginia. How blessed I am to be a part of that family that has for decades known God's rich favor.
And I think of the many folks at GCC Winchester and soon-to-be Strasburg. Huge heart...amazing passion for God and people. How very blessed to know them, to serve them, to do life with them.
If Christmas is about gifts (like the greatest...Jesus) then I've listed just a few of my greatest gifts...gifts that have made this year rich beyond compare.
Merry Christmas!
Monday, December 15, 2008
The Gift We Didn't Get...
Life is full of surprises. And if you're a Christ-follower, I believe there are even MORE surprises. Because the life of faith is the life of being open to whatever God chooses to bring into our lives.
Which means sometimes we DON'T get the gifts we want and we DO get the gifts we weren't looking for. It's a genuine adventure. And to make it even MORE interesting...sometimes the gifts don't LOOK like gifts.
Take the gift of my son being hit by a car when he was in the fourth grade. When I heard him scream and leaped from the bus to see him lying curiously UNDER a car, I could not have imagined that this would be a blessing as his mom and I took turns at the hospital night after night, day after day until he was fitted into a full body cast and brought home only to live in a reclining wheel chair. We developed a heightened sense of humor through it all and I learned that just about everything in life can be put on the back burner given proper motivation...even church stuff!
Or, take the gift of my wife's AVM (arterial venal malformation). For the better part of 3 years we lived with the possibility of a brain aneurysm which could have caused instant death. The gift was that we learned to live NOW...TODAY.
Neither of these LOOKED like gifts, but God taught us plenty in the process.
Maybe the bottom line is simply this: God can make good come from all KINDS of things...sort of a Romans 8:28 thing.
And perhaps with that in mind, I should live less about the gifts I haven't gotten and instead, be especially mindful of the many gifts around me. He's a GREAT God with a GOOD heart. And His gifts are wonderful...even the ones we don't recognize.
Which means sometimes we DON'T get the gifts we want and we DO get the gifts we weren't looking for. It's a genuine adventure. And to make it even MORE interesting...sometimes the gifts don't LOOK like gifts.
Take the gift of my son being hit by a car when he was in the fourth grade. When I heard him scream and leaped from the bus to see him lying curiously UNDER a car, I could not have imagined that this would be a blessing as his mom and I took turns at the hospital night after night, day after day until he was fitted into a full body cast and brought home only to live in a reclining wheel chair. We developed a heightened sense of humor through it all and I learned that just about everything in life can be put on the back burner given proper motivation...even church stuff!
Or, take the gift of my wife's AVM (arterial venal malformation). For the better part of 3 years we lived with the possibility of a brain aneurysm which could have caused instant death. The gift was that we learned to live NOW...TODAY.
Neither of these LOOKED like gifts, but God taught us plenty in the process.
Maybe the bottom line is simply this: God can make good come from all KINDS of things...sort of a Romans 8:28 thing.
And perhaps with that in mind, I should live less about the gifts I haven't gotten and instead, be especially mindful of the many gifts around me. He's a GREAT God with a GOOD heart. And His gifts are wonderful...even the ones we don't recognize.
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Hiding Behind the Hassle
I'm tired of the way I've done Christmas in the past.
I'm tired of facing the season with fear and dread.
I'm tired of seeing the holiday as anything but holy.
I'm tired of missing out on the mystery and the wonder of a story so unbelievable that only God could conceive it.
So this is the year things change.
This is the year I go back to experiencing it as a child...or at least with a child-like heart.
This is the year I find joy in the small things, the simple things.
This is the year I stop to marvel at the miracle of those around me...all bearing the image of their Creator. All amazing. All precious.
This is the year that I wait in hushed stillness for Immanuel to come anew in me. God with us. Awe inspiring. Humbling.
Immanuel...it makes me a bit self-conscious as I move through my day...God is with us...with ME. Hiding behind the hassle no more. The hassle has become more evidence that this world needs Jesus...Immanuel...God with us.
God is not hiding...He's never hidden. Only from those who refuse to see.
May this be the year that the mystery and wonder dawns anew...to us all.
I'm tired of facing the season with fear and dread.
I'm tired of seeing the holiday as anything but holy.
I'm tired of missing out on the mystery and the wonder of a story so unbelievable that only God could conceive it.
So this is the year things change.
This is the year I go back to experiencing it as a child...or at least with a child-like heart.
This is the year I find joy in the small things, the simple things.
This is the year I stop to marvel at the miracle of those around me...all bearing the image of their Creator. All amazing. All precious.
This is the year that I wait in hushed stillness for Immanuel to come anew in me. God with us. Awe inspiring. Humbling.
Immanuel...it makes me a bit self-conscious as I move through my day...God is with us...with ME. Hiding behind the hassle no more. The hassle has become more evidence that this world needs Jesus...Immanuel...God with us.
God is not hiding...He's never hidden. Only from those who refuse to see.
May this be the year that the mystery and wonder dawns anew...to us all.
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